To begin 11 Things Black Men Should Know, I’ve been pondering about what I can do to uplift the black family unit a lot lately. Specifically as it relates to our intimate relationships. This in turn, uplifts our community as a whole. For the most part, I see dissension, division, and a disconnect. We’ve lost all compassion, understanding, and forgiveness with and for one another. Not to mention, patience. That left the building a long time ago. I know “they” want us to believe the black family is so broken there is no way to heal and mend our disfunction. But I totally disagree. I’m willing to be part of the conversation and traverse the path which changes our narrative.
I feel there couldn’t be a better way to start, than with the head of household. So here goes the beginning of my list series. Proceed with caution and an objective mind.
DEAR BLACK MEN…
1. IF YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE MULTIPLE WOMEN, DO IT IN A NOBLE MANNER.
By the same token, I’m not telling you all to run out and find a bunch of sidechicks to shack up with, no. What I’m saying is, there is a multitude of women who are willing to be in a polygamous relationship with you, if you’d just be honest about your intentions. Many of you are going to do it anyway, so why not do it the right way? You’d be saving everyone the heartache.
2. WE SUPPORT YOU BEING WITH A WHITE WOMAN, SO LONG AS IT IS NOT DUE TO SELF HATE, OR THE IMPERFECTIONS OF YOUR BLACK FEMALE COUNTERPARTS.
If you fall in love with a white woman (or any woman that isn’t black), that’s ok. But please, do not allow your reason to be because of the shortcomings of black women. Do not perpetuate the bosh that black women are too strong, too loud, too hard to love. We are just as worthy as everyone else. Kimberly Foster of For Harriet explains my sentiment in her video titled “We Don’t Care Why You Don’t Date Black Women.” The only thing I’d change, is my tone when communicating the message. Otherwise, she’s dead on.
3. WE DON’T WANT TO CONTROL YOU, WE JUST WANT STRUCTURE IN OUR LIVES.
It is imperative you realize we need to work together to create structure and consistency in our home life. When we request that you handle business with urgency, it isn’t because we want to control your actions. We’re just trying to provide stability, consistency, and set a standard of excellence and growth in our homes, and for our children.
4. WE HAVE YOUR BACK.
And it’s really that simple. We are not asking for praise because of it, just know we have always been down for you. We are here to support you, hold you up/down, and will be your rock while the world continually tries to break you.
5. BLACK MEN, WE WILL NOT GIVE UP ON YOU.
No matter what happens. We will not give up on you. So long as you are living. We will not give up on you. They will make you second guess yourself, they will make you want to give up, but we, we will NOT give up on you.
6. WE NEED YOUR COMMITMENT.
Desperately, and for the long run. We need you to commit, and stay committed to your commitment; and to us.
7. WE ARE NOT THE ENEMY.
First of all, whenever you are stressed or feeling defeated from the world beating you up, we are your first target. While we may be the easiest to release on, that’s not why we came nor is it what we are here for. I’m here to tell you, WE are not the enemy.
8. WE NEED YOUR TRANSPARENCY/HONESTY.
Yet, we’re only offered deception. So, I’m gonna repeat it for the people in the back. WE NEED YOUR TRANSPARENCY, AND HONESTY! What do I/we need to say or do to get yall to understand how important this is?! It is not an option. We are resilient enough to hear the truth.
9. WE ARE GOING TO BE LESS SUPPORTIVE.
Much as I hate to include this, you may even think it is a contradiction to #5, but the way it’s looking out in these streets, yall haven’t supported us for a long time. We cannot be expected to continue on our own. There has to be reciprocity, or we’re simply going to stop supporting yall.
10. WE ARE TIRED…
Because the world tells us we are not beautiful, do not matter, and we turn to you for solace. Only to face being alone, called selfish, beaten, abused, abandoned, and hung out to dry. We are tired.
11. WE ARE NOT SELFISH, WE ARE AMBITIOUS.
Seems like there’s a mysterious consensus among black men whenever a black woman (yes that’s important to mention) starts working towards a goal, that she instantly becomes “selfish,” How do I even address this foolishness? Since forever, we have lost ourselves bending backwards as wives and mothers. We shouldn’t have to choose between personal growth or the success of our family. The two are not mutually exclusive. We want to be visible, successful, and celebrated the same way we celebrate you and your accomplishments.
Black men, please take this to your circle of friends. Share this with your brothers, fathers, cousins, colleagues, and anyone else who needs to hear it. Most noteworthy, if nothing else, just take a moment to let it all sink in. See how you can take this list and apply it in your personal life and relationships. Thank you for your time.